So Last night I finally did it. I went on a Zoo Bomb. I convinced Suzanne (aka Lillian or Trouble) it would be a good idea. We went to Takahashi Sushi for a bite to eat, I am not sure Lillian enjoyed it, it took them an age to bring her order over and she had to ask for it 3-4 times, but it was cheap. 6 plates of sushi and a beer for $15, not bad value in my book!

We headed over to Rocco’s pizza on Stark and something (still not got the hang of referencing street location, or finding them). This is where the tower of mini-bikes used for Zoo Bombing live. Sure enough a few minutes later there are about a dozen people on mini bikes and tall bikes, all looking very funky and very wasted!

Let me explain the principle in a little more detail. As I said people congregate at the pizza place either on their own bike or they borrow a communal bike from this huge stack. Then you make your way over to the max, get the train to the top of the hill at Forrest Park. This park is the largest of any metropolitan area in the USA. Then everyone at the same time gets from the top of the hill in the park, back down to the train (MAX) station as quickly as possible, often with only a coaster brake (you know, pedal backwards . . .) or NO BRAKE! This takes place on public roads and the first half of the 2.8 mile course is the same for everyone, then there is the stop point and you can splinter off to easy or difficult runs . . . read on . .

In small groups we head over to catch the Max and get to the top of the hill, and then it is a 500ft elevator to the surface and about ½ a mile cycle/hike to the hang out point on the top of the hill in the park. No lights allowed, just sat chilling in the dark talking rubbish. No-one had a real name, it was all “B-rad” or “Tackler” etc . . . We just chilled out, sat around drinking for a bit with people randomly shouting “10 minutes” then someone else would say “5 minutes” until eventually enough people agreed it was time to go and a mass exodus of about 50 people went to the unofficial start line for this non-centralised meeting of people.

The newbies (Virgins) got pulled to one side and got a brief, it was sensible, you know: wear a helmet, give way to fast people, call the side you are passing on, obey traffic laws or risk a ticket . . . then there was the count down . . .

3 . . .2 . . .1 . . . ZOO BOOOOOMMMMMBBBBB!!!!

And that was it, a few seconds later I look at my speedo and I am already doing 25 miles an hour with people flying past me . . Then I am doing 29 miles an hour and I get over taken by a guy on a long board . .another guy on a skateboard and a big guy on a small bike, I mean a bike for a 4year old . . . I nearly crashed laughing! At this point I start on the front brake and I am thinking, shit this is a new front brake, have I tighten the screws correctly? Shit, the pads are not worn in . . Then I hear the noise you never want to hear when doing 30MPH on a bike I just built, metal clanging noises and a vibration. . . SHHHIIIIIITTTTT!!!! Now I am panicking, trying to use the rear brake only to slow down 13 Stone of drunk Turk, in the dark, from 30MPH . . Then I realised, it was just my beer in the drink holder  lol !!! We got to a mid way point which is the middle of the park about 1.2 miles into the ride, really nice spot, with the reservoir to one side and the park patrol on the other shaking their heads! Then we splinter off into groups “Virgins – Blue Square this way”, “Dude, Hell way this way”.

Let me explain this in more detail, as I now understand it . . . The runs are graded like on the mountain, the Blue square is the tight switch back road that is slow but fun, the Hell way is the highway 26 that is the major east-west highway in Portland . . . so the cars are doing a good 60MPH, It is like being on the M1 when it is free flowing. There are other routes but I can’t remember them . . . Needless to say Trouble and I opt for the switch back route, which is badly lit to say the least, even on the full suspension Wallgoose Mart 2 (you like that name? I think it is funny!) I am bouncing around a lot and scared to go over 20MPH, you just can’t see were the bends are, there are people trying to marshal you around and calling out “TURN!” or “CAAARRRR!!!” Which if you hear the call you are meant to echo to help other get an early warning.

By the time we get to the bottom of the hill we have covered 2.8miles of down hill free fall, my front brake is now officially bedded in and need adjusting already . . . when are they going to invent a self adjusting disc calliper for bikes that costs $20????

We get back to the top and I am all ready for another beer, chill out and go again, but Trouble points out it is 11:30pm and basically a school night, so we take a 5 min break and then head back down, at a more relaxed pace.

It was a great night, Trouble and I have different opinions on it, I loved the communal “I wanna go fast!!” but for Trouble that was boring, she cycles to work and goes up and down Portland hills all the time so that was boring. We both enjoyed meeting the folk that do this week in week out, in the nude in the rain drinking champagne (well Cava, $4.99 a bottle), Trouble more so then me as I am one step removed from that culture compared to her. I will go back and do it again, I had a great time with the people and the whole activity, I am not sure Trouble will, we will see! Get onto Youtube and search for zoobomb. There are a couple of good videos that show you what it is about, look out for the police video ones as one ends with a long-boarder getting pulled over!

By the time I got home I covered 23miles on the Mart2, not bad for a Sunday night chilling in Portland. My top speed was 30MPH and I can confirm, my bike brake disc smelt the same as the front brakes on my Skoda use to on those lovely Sunday afternoon drives . . .